Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
