dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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