So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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