youre lurking in front of me
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
