using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
