if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
it was like his penis was on wheels.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
