In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
