yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
