Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
