Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish i was in the wii world.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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