Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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