i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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