did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
