Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
