I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
