both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
