She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
