take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
