She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
