He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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