If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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