We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
