Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
