so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
