i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
