I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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