whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
