I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
that may or may not have been my penis.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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