i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
