I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
