i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
