I have demons in me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
