Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
