I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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