She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
