So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
