It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
