I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
