Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
