i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
