Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
They took my balls.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
