apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
