I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
