You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The air taste purple.
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