I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
