I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
