i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
