does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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