is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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