the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
